It did continue through-out but only really became expectant of me when I became a teenager. There is when I started to have to give up a lot of my life to be a carer. School was not a focus in my life and when I did try focus on school I was not met with kind attitudes. So, I just became what was expectant of me. To care for my brother at the expense of my own life. This continued for many years even reaching a point where I could define myself as a slave. To get me to that point I did go through a lot of psychological abuse etc.. I got out of it when I was 18 years old... But, that was the beginning of my subservient role.
The rest of my relationships after that was doing the same thing just within a different environment. It was really all I knew. It was again done a year ago, and now just this year. I put myself in a subservience role where I start just become and living as a subservient to people. This is why most of my relationships fail.. Because I become subservient... even to a point where people begin to expect me to remain the same... To be there personal therapist, to clean their house, to be that person who does most of the work, and forget about what they want to do for themselves.
An interesting pattern that I see when I break the relationship or I do want to play that role anymore, is that control that I have given to the person over me, goes haywire. The person loses control over me, and starts going off like a raging lunatic. So - It was interesting to see this pattern existent as a result of me placing myself in that subservient position.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subservient in relationships
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in relationships, the level of responsibility, for the most part, is very much equal.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that being subservient in relationships opens one up to a dysfunctional relationship
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to become and do everything that I am expected to do/be in relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back into old habits of being a subservient to other people to maintain relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a subservient person is all I know how to do in relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to not see/realize/understand that I do require/need to understand more of what a relationship involves before having one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become the subservient person in relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being subservient is all I am good for in relationships
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken on the subservient role to keep everyone else happy
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my own life by becoming this subservient role
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on what I would like for myself, what I know is best for myself to remain as a subservience role.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget who I am and what I want for myself only to replace it with a subservient role.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget myself and only want to be subservient to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have relationships on the starting point of being subservient.
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